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The Star Wars actor responds to a woman who recently discovered that her husband of 30 years has been seeing prostitutes since before they were married.

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Question: Dear Tanya, I found out my husband has been cheating on me with sex workers. Obviously I am hurt beyond belief but want to understand why, and if we can repair things? Answer: I am sorry to hear of your pain and distress at your partner's infidelity and understand that it can be a difficult thing to make sense of. This is a reasonably common problem. I have had many clients come to see me over the years for cheats this situation. A colleague of mine, Hilary Caldwell, has researched people who buy sex and shone some light on the subject.

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For many the idea of paying for sex reeks of desperation, dirty old men and perhaps even a world gone wrong.

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But when a woman named Gemma St. Would he do it once he was married? And is it cheating, or just a way of getting sex on the side without rocking the relationship boat? According to St. George, the answer to the philandering question is a definitive no. And this is where things get interesting.

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The thought of having to quiz men about this topic on the first date no less! He had married an escort whom he had regularly visited and they had. But after five years, she left him to return to the industry.

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When my friend asked this man about his sexual habits, it came to light that he still visited brothels every now and again. She promptly dumped him. But is it really cheating? Not everyone believes so. But is it all so cut and dry? In order to get some answers I met St. James for lunch. I was unsure what to expect.

Ask carrie fisher: my husband has been seeing prostitutes. can i trust him again?

The girl who greeted me was a statuesque, elegant, well-groomed, highly educated ex-high school teacher. Along with that experience came a cheats sense of mortality and a desire to return to university to start a graduate law degree so I could stop resenting the fact I never had the opportunity due to a cheats of finances when I first finished high school. However, I ultimately had even less money - until a guy friend of mine, who also happened to be a major consumer of sex services, suggested I stop complaining about reverting back to broke uni bum status, take a leap of faith and check out what it would be like working in a brothel.

I did, it was easy and it meant I could stop worrying. My son was well looked after and I could pay for my textbooks along with basic things like, well, food and rent. Firstly, I had always been quite open-minded, I have a naturally high sex drive and I enjoy sex. God forbid! Secondly, I believe that you can learn something from every person you meet and fortunately, as a bit of a talker I can have a conversation with anyone about pretty much anything.

Nothing more, nothing less. What is unfortunate is that long ago, along with the spread of Christianity came the notion that sex was for procreation and not recreation and that subsequently enforced a whole lot of guilt and confusion upon successive generations.

But hey, who am I to judge? My boyfriend maintains it was much easier for him to see a hooker after a bad experience at the hands of his ex; he never saw it as paying for sex instead he paid for no call backs and no drama. With no emotional involvement, it meant no one was going to lie to him, cheat on him or hurt him; it was definitely an easier option. A sex worker could easily be your favourite aunt, your sister, your teacher or your wife.

You would never know unless they told you.

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Again, my wise boyfriend interjects; when a woman gets married she thinks she can change a man and iron out his faults but when a man gets married he wants his wife to stay the same. I see the outcome of this.

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When a women lets herself go physically, when her sex drive wanes, when she resents the hours he spends at work or she becomes bored with tennis, shopping and children and takes it out on him; her husband is inevitably going to feel a little ripped off.

His best friend however is repulsed by the idea and instead insists on going out and picking up whenever he wants to get some action.

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Ladies, to do this he will lie to you, tell you what you want to hear and then after he gets what he wants, will leave you crying into your pillow. What would you prefer? Those that are in a relationship will pay for sex if they are not getting it, enough or at all, at home. They are really that simple. What do you think?

Ask carrie fisher: my husband has been seeing prostitutes. can i trust him again?

Is paying for it cheating? Better than him having an affair?

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Would you condone it? Is paying for it considered cheating?

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Please try again later. The Sydney Morning Herald.

June 30, — 5. Save Log inregister or subscribe to save articles for later.

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Normal text size Larger text size Very large text size. Do you think paying for sex is different to an affair?