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How old am I: 18
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What is my body type: My body type is overweight
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However, the deeper into the game I get, the more I notice that things are getting a little weird.

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I mean, look at this guy. Not just that, but when you open him in the game, he waggles it at you. Sticky saliva coats its tongue, which causes a tingling sensation when touched. I don't even know if obscenity laws allow me to show you his evolved version, Lickilicky.

Not making these names up.

Which serves as evidence for Weiner's Law, the theorem that when a new technology is introduced, It will take less than a week for dudes to find a way to involve their dicks in it. Its "vines" can regenerate if removed or damaged, making it the 70s bush that no bikini wax can tame.

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While it is sleeping, Shellder closes its shell, but leaves its tongue hanging out. Seriously, the people who write these know what they're doing, right?

I've read less erotic fanfic. I have been Gloom.

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Incidentally, one of my favorite things to do on a major holiday is read the event-themed on Craigslist Casual Encounters. And this concludes this important work of journalism.

Life is hard, but it's better when you're not alone. Emily McCombs Ian Anderson.

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Like, sex weird. But it's not just ol' Blowjob Mouth there. Warning: I am absurd. This entire article is absurdity.

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Lickitung Lickitung. Diglett Diglett. Tangela Tangela. This is a kid's show, people.

Shellder Shellder. Gloom Gloom.

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Image: author Jigglypuff is a boob. We all know it.

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I'm not afraid to admit it. If you like this article, please share it!

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